Many years ago I was part of a women’s group that typically met once a month for Bible study and fellowship. Our leader was an older woman with the precious gift of hospitality. She had a gracious heart and made each one of us feel welcome in her home. Sometimes I was drawn more to her warmth than the group meeting in the midst of my grief. We completed many good Bible studies during the time frame I was part of the group.

At one of our meetings, a member stood and shared about her struggle with weight. Her words reflected her transparent desire to maintain a healthier body weight. She had decided on a specific program and wanted to share with us the beginning of her life change journey. We were happy for her and touched by her sincerity. We offered encouragement and prayers for her steps ahead. During my quiet time with the Lord later that evening, I prayed for this sister in Christ, for God’s blessing on her efforts and for victory in her goals. No one else shared a similar struggle or desire during that meeting.

The next month we gathered at the leader’s home once again. The woman who had started her program was happy and excited for her progress and felt encouraged to continue with her plan. Another woman in the group had also lost weight and was wearing clothing that accentuated the loss. She had not mentioned any need to lose weight at the previous meeting. Everyone in the group noticed, however, and made comments about her appearance and how good she looked. She was smiling and laughing in response. My heart hurt for the other woman whose efforts were now overshadowed by this woman and her pleasure in the attention she had garnered. I found it painful to witness and I prayed silently.

There are women who compete with other women in many different ways. They have to get ahead of someone else on a similar path. They have to be first. They have to do more. They have to be noticed. Indeed, they seem to only accomplish a goal if they have someone to beat. In their empty pursuit of identity, they injure other women who are not competing. In order to present themselves in the manner they wish to be known, they will use and discard others at random. I have witnessed this behavior in the church, in the workplace, in the family. Too many women profess to be following God, but do not follow His way. They make their own decisions, they pursue their own desires, and they ask God to bless their efforts; yet, God is not a part of their heart or their life. They use His Name. They collect and write down what they glean from other women, Bible studies, sermons, anything that sounds anointed from God. They will use it as though they personally received the revelation. They will speak other people’s words to promote themselves for their own purpose. They serve self. I have witnessed the damage, the pain, and the fallout from their destructive behavior and have suffered from this as well.

I listened to a message today, taken from the Book of Nehemiah, about unwarranted, unjustified criticism while working for God. Unfortunately, the manipulators not only want to promote themselves, they also want to slander anyone they consider a threat. With their words they will assassinate the character of other people without any regard for their actions or the consequences on another person’s life. Nehemiah stayed focused on what God had instructed him to do. The enemy will use any person, any activity, any thing he can to distract a person from completing the work assigned by God. Though we are aware of the enemy and his tactics, we must stay focused to see the work completed. There is great purpose in the work, a wall of blessings just waiting to be released by our obedience, and countless people will be affected by the completion of our task. This is what I have had to come back to with recent distractions. I am concerned about politics and the world around me, but my task is to finish this book I am currently writing.

Surprisingly, I have not had the opportunity to share my story much since my move to Memphis. This is in direct contrast to Goshen, where I shared my story with countless numbers of people during those years. I have not entered the work force here as yet, so my interaction with other people has been limited. I am writing instead during down time. Everything changed when I arrived here. I love being with my family and our day to day interactions. My routine is completely different. I wonder where I am going, as I have wondered many times since I started this faith journey with Jesus in August 2016. I know what He revealed in a vision and the subsequent dreams afterwards that confirmed the vision. I read the details out loud to the Lord as a reminder. I continue to follow Him because I love Him. His great love drew me to Him and He will not let go. I want to continue walking with Him wherever He leads.

I have finally reached the end of an overstuffed journal and I am starting to read through the next one, which begins with the year 2016. Tentatively this book will end with my return to Goshen in April 2018. That is not concrete, but the impression I have had for a while is that will be the cutoff point. While I am reading the journals and praying about what God wants me to write, I remember events, people, circumstances, and situations. I revisit the emotions attached and the prayers that were lifted in response. I remember interactions with many people in the past years. I have experienced rejection, ridicule, dismissal, condescension, slander, gossip, and exclusion everywhere I go, and I am aware of it when it occurs. God has worked in me not to take offense, as this feeds the enemy and can open unwanted doors. I continue to pray for spiritual maturity in the Body of Believers including myself. I want to grow deeper all my days until I move Home. I want to complete the work God has planned for me, so I can finish strong. I do not waste time in comparison as that time waster produces no fruit for the Kingdom of God. I am not responsible for how other people behave; only for how I respond. My identity is in Christ alone and He is the Rock on which I stand.

Reading through these memories, I was moved to prayer, burdened about women. I prayed that women would encourage one another without fear that someone would advance ahead of them by their prayers. I prayed that women would be kind and accepting of those who are different from them and do not share the same goals or backgrounds. I prayed women would seek God for purpose, identity, and direction in their lives. I prayed women would trust God’s work in them and not be triggered into impulsive action by God’s work in another woman’s life. I prayed women would be encouraging to each other and speak positively into their lives. I prayed God would help women to discover the joy of their own unique journey; that they would listen to the Voice of the Holy Spirit; that they would seek God to understand their steps, thoughts, decisions, and reactions; and that they would be receptive to what God reveals to them about themselves.

The journal I just finished covered an extended season of strife, discord, hatred, spite, lying, deceit, and intense warfare. There were days when the battle raged until God lifted the oppression. He worked on my behalf in many circumstances, but the battles were exhausting. I was affected physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Much to learn. Much to discover. Much growth. God soon changed my direction and led me onto another path. The writing continues.

(personal photo)

5/28/2023