There were times while writing “Showered By Grace” when I questioned God if I should provide more details about certain events. More than once His answer was, “You can talk about it later”. The disaster stories of my internet dating experience was one of those rabbit trails.

Meeting someone online had seemed like a good idea. Expectations were high that I would meet a nice guy and perhaps start a serious relationship. I paid money to join the only Christian site at that time, thinking it would be safer than the free websites. After setting up my profile I spent at least an hour answering 600+ questions about my personality, for the best results with perspective matches. I groaned slightly when the test revealed that I had a “rare” (low percentage) personality compared to the overall population. My initial matches were hundreds of miles away and none of those resulted in communication beyond the initial computer profile match. After three months, I had only communicated via email with one man who lived in Alaska.  That figured; “Mr. Perfect” was located 3000+ miles away. We never met and stopped messaging soon afterwards. When my subscription to this site expired I decided to try another dating site that was free. The following interactions stretched out over months, more than a year total.

The first man I met had used only a head shot in his profile photo–nice smile with head turned sideways. After several emails we met for dinner at a downtown café. His face looked like his photo, but the rest of him was much larger than I had expected, around 400 pounds. Several months after that meeting, something unexpected happened. I was at work and, out of the blue, his name came to mind. I asked God if it was from Him and I was moved to pray for this man. An impression remained about his health so I checked the local hospitals. To my surprise, he was in a hospital close to the area where I lived. I stopped by after work to check on him, and he was quite shocked when I entered his room. He explained that he had been working in his yard, clearing overgrown brush from around an old tree, and had been bitten multiple times by a nest of black widow spiders. The doctors had told him that his weight had helped him in this case. He was startled when I shared how God had laid him on my heart. My visit was short and I continued to pray for him. I saw him several weeks later. He wanted to share dinner with me as a thank-you and we spent some time talking. I sensed brokenness and a lack of direction and purpose in his life. He was grasping at straws, so to speak. He needed to return to his family, who lived out of state, and reconcile. The prompting to tell him was very strong, but I was not confident enough at that time to speak truth out loud to a stranger and instead prayed that God would direct him home. There was no further interaction.

The next man seemed normal at first, but further conversation revealed that he was trying to “make up for lost time”, bitter that he had devoted his best years to his ex-wife, who was now remarried to someone else. He had a twisted and warped attitude about the lack of sexual fulfillment during his marriage and was more interested in “getting as much as he could while he still could” than a true relationship. I learned quickly that I could head off any unwanted attention if I came across like a counselor, and I reverted to this role several times. I also heard more than I expected he would share with a virtual stranger. This man was emotionally unhealthy and had not dealt with the pain and anger from the divorce many years prior. He was disconnected from God and we talked about that as well. Ironic that I was speaking spiritual encouragement to him when I did not know God intimately. It was not good for me to listen to his soul poison and I ended all communication after a few interactions.

Next was a man who had a good personality with a wonderful sense of humor. I enjoyed our conversations and he was polite, courteous, and interesting on the phone. I agreed to meet him at a restaurant for dinner and I was looking forward to the evening. He had described himself and what he would be wearing. I understood his weight to be 275 and height of 6’2”. I entered the restaurant and scanned the tables. All of my anticipation deflated as I spotted him planted in a corner across the floor, positioned where he could watch the door. He had underestimated his weight by about 100 pounds. I hoped that the shock of that reality did not register on my face as I extended my hand in a forced lukewarm greeting. The evening continued to decline and the last bite of my meal was a welcome cue to escape. I purposefully walked quickly to my vehicle and yelled goodnight with a short wave as I settled into my vehicle with a deep sigh. How could this man so blatantly misrepresent himself? I was not interested in anything he had to say once I saw that he had lied about his physical appearance. No further communication.

My daughter had warned me not to meet anyone without seeing a profile pic and to be wise about the pictures I received. Old, blurred, or cropped photos were not acceptable. I made an exception for a man who claimed he was a “widower with a 12 year old child”. He had emailed a picture of “his” motorcycle in the driveway of “his” home. Strange and did not seem right, so I only agreed to a short meet and greet outside of my work location, which was a complex of several buildings. His head reminded me of Shrek, minus the unique ears and green skin color. The hair on his neck disappeared into the neckline of his sweatshirt. His shoes were old faded canvas slip-ons. He wore glasses and his eyes were huge in the bifocal lenses. I noted that his car was dirty inside and out as I listened to him speaking about traveling out of town soon on business. Overwhelmed with dismay, I did not trust myself to speak and listened to him talk while I tried to think of a gracious escape. To my horror, he suddenly looked at me directly in the face and said, “Well, I like what I see. What do you think?” Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “I’m talking to three other men and I’m going to keep talking to them!” I did not want him to hear any false hope in my words. He just shrugged, nodded, and said ok. I quickly walked away, relieved that I had not met him for dinner. My daughter was right about those photos.

There was one man I exchanged messages with over the course of several months, not every day, only occasionally. He shared photos and some details about his personal life. I was interested to know more about him and wanted to meet him in person. We eventually did meet for about 20 minutes. He explained that he was not looking for love. But I was, and that was the end of our communication.

One of the first men I met was a white collar professional with a warm personality and good manners, well-groomed and well-dressed. I met him for dinner and we had a nice evening laughing and talking for a couple of hours after our meal. He shared that he was looking for a specific relationship situation, and I could sense the end was coming with those words. He wanted a woman that would welcome another woman in the relationship and the bedroom. I assured him I was not that woman and ended the evening. No further communication.

I was somewhat hesitant about the next man I agreed to meet. He had not been divorced very long and conversation was centered on his ex-wife. He was not healed and I knew I would not get involved with him. He seemed harmless when I agreed to meet him after work at a restaurant. He was not particularly interesting or attractive, and during the conversation I decided I would have been better off eating at home alone. He was angry and hurt. His wife had announced that she wanted a divorce after 20+ years and he was worried about his finances and his future. I paid for my own meal and he walked outside with me to my vehicle. I half-heartedly said that I had enjoyed the evening as I shook his hand. He held onto my hand and asked me, “Do you have sex on the second date?” With a mixture of shock and revulsion, I jerked my hand back and answered, “Not even on the fifth date”. I couldn’t get into my car fast enough.

Those words came back to haunt me many weeks/months later, as I shared in my book. By the time the events of that night occurred, I was disgusted and defeated with a very negative opinion of men. I had made the statement to my coworkers during a lunchroom discussion about dating that a woman either had to be a bitch or a whore to get a man. The decent men were taken and those available did not know what to do with a good woman.

The unexpected appearance of Scott into my life after all the filth and junk I had encountered over the previous years was nothing short of miraculous. He did not fit into any of the search parameters I had selected on the internet dating sites, and Goshen, Indiana, was unfamiliar territory.

Yet he was the perfect match. God brought Scott into my life, guiding his words and approach to capture my heart completely. True love, without measure or motive.

Only God.